You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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