Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
