the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
