I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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