I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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