We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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