So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
