I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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