you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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