I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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