i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
