He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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