does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
