Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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