I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
