he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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