Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
