I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are we still banned from the library?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
