I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize