I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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