all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
