She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
