I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
