dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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