i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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