A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We have so much sex to catch up on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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