you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
