God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
