After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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