my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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