I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
