The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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