I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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