The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
