My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
