What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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