i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
