she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
