I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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