once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
