The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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