No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
