I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
