I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
