HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
