Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
