Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
