My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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