Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
