I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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