Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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