So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
