question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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