You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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