epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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