I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
