Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
