He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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