I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
