ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
