apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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