I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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