I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
