the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
