Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
